Knowing God in Healing

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Hurt.
Pain.
Confusion.
Frustration.
Suffering.
Brokenness.

…Are all emotions or seasons of life that we find ourselves experiencing, will all carry some, if not all, of what I’ve mentioned above. In a average western mindset, clothed in the the false persona of health, wealth, prosperity gospel, aka, the American Dream. Anything negative is itself to be seen as evil. I know at least as an American, and as a Christian I’ve had that line of thinking deeply embedded into me. But It wasn’t until I started to really discover who Jesus really is and what He has said on these states of being that I began to discover the necessity of pain and suffering….
It’s for The Lord.
Sunday school answer, I know.
But I think Sunday School answers are usually true but they aren’t explained with depth or emotion.
I have experienced deep pain.
I have had many great hurts.
Many moments of brokenness that I felt was irreparable.

But regardless of the pain, I’ve always made it through.
To give an example, a year a go this past January, my ‘world’ had fallen apart I was a mess, I was worn to the bone I had no one close by to really lean on, all my friends from far away encouraged me, but their were many lonely nights, where I was questioning God, or crying out to Him.

In the book of Joel, the people of God had been absolutely devastated by a plague of locusts, and God called them to repentance to “consecrate themselves and call together the elders and fast and mourn.” God used my friend and former dean of men, Jonathan Lindstam to remind me of the sufficiency of the grace of God in this time. For me it was no longer a practice of theology that I only preached about but a deep-seeded reality, that God was, is, and always will be all that I need, and will never let me down, that will never leave me. I was able to practice what I believe.

Can I be honest?
Can I be received with love on this?
That was brutally hard! I wanted to run from God
I was angry at Him, but I knew He was in control.
But I didn’t want Him to be.
But when I realized it was so great that He was in control and not only that but He cared, it started to change the way I perceived God.

God had my good in mind at the time.
Genesis 50:22
Romans 8:28-29

Romans 8:18″For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Now I am happily married, joyous and tough. Joyous, because I get to experience life with another human being, but not just any human. One that I have given myself to fully, undeniably, beautifully. I became one with her and her with me. I have taken headship of a home. And with that comes types of suffering, little and big. Some of it is from outside circumstances effecting the state of our home, but some of it is from within the home, and specifically within me. I am my own greatest enemy. I am learning, every little choice I make, every word I say, every action I take. The miniscule and the weighty tasks. They all carry weight and impact.

The sins of my heart have come to the surface, as a friend said it well recently, “Being married forces you to see a whole new depth to who you are and your own need for Christ.” Why? Because I have Adam’s mind. I have inherited his nature. Although I have been given the awesome power of the new nature of the Spirit, I cannot deny the tempting influence of my old nature too: Build my own kingdom, to have my own way, to manipulate, to have control, to be right. Getting married is a giving up of rights.

You may be thinking….”WHAT?!” Marriage gives up my rights. Yes because you are no longer your own, you are now one with your spouse and joined together with Christ.  Giving up your rights for your spouse isn’t a bad thing, it’ll be painful, but only to your agenda and your ego.  You get to create life together. You get to be one person who enjoys the image of God in one another. They beauty of the gospel in one another, either displayed to them, or received from them. It’s beautiful. I love it. It is hard, because I am as I have recently and thankfully discovered a bad man, I am a HUGE SINNER. Like I sin more than anyone else I know.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18 “So we do not lose heart. Though our outer self  is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

BUT GOD…

God in his loving-kindness continues to save us, love us, sanctify us, redeem us, and glorify Him.

Amazing Love how can it be, That You my King would die for me?
Amazing Love I know it’s true, It’s my joy to honor You, In all I do, I honor You.
 

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